There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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