I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
