only you would photoshop your dick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
