I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
