she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize