OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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