i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize