I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
