I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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