is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
