I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
