I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im holly from the hills drunk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
