The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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