lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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