The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
