around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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