We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
