put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
