So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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