my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
