The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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