Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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