Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
