Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
