I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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