So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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