Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
