I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize