Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
