Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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