my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize