No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
