i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
