i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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