You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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