I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i already hear my dad disowning me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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