well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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