I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
