I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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