I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
