thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize