In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
