I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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