Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
