4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
