its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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