I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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