I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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