Can i not drive my cunt home
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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