I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
