He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
