why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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