He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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