theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I see more hoeing in ur future
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
