What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
