he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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