RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
