i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize