i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize