I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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