Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
