so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
