Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
