I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize