Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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