so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
