Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
