Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
