So drunk its hurt
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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