im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
