my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize