..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
