I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
