everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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