I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
