she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
