I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize