I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
