We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
