I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
