It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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