maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize