there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
