Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
