My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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