Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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