I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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