You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
