You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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