The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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