I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
