You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
