i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
