I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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