So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
