I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize