he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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