My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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