is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
