I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
